A little over a year ago I set out on what is probably the biggest spiritual journey that I have ever taken. I was reminded of it today as I “squeezed” into some pants and realized that I have put on 35 lbs since Christmas. I would like to give 5 of that back and am working toward that but this is not what I want to journal about today.

This past year has been probably one of the most challenging of my life. Looking back now I am reminded of how Satan tempted Jesus in the desert during His fast. At the time I had some thoughts of what that might look like and expected it to occur during or immediately following. Now I understand that would have been a mistake because in the natural a person would be weakest after an extended fast, but in the spiritual the opposite is true.

So today represents day 328 since I finished that fast and it is just now dawning on me that my fast may be the reason that I will survive the desert temptation. To be quite transparent the last 6 months have been filled with a lot of temptations. Not to leave my wife for somebody else or other obvious temptations. But those ones that make you want to quit, give up, walk away, stop fighting, stop pursuing, question, doubt, blow-up, get frustrated, be angry, become needy, self centered, lethargic, and just not care.

It has come from things such as the multitude of resumes that were not responded to, unreturned phone calls, the promised phone calls that never came, opportunities that were on the radar that apparently developed stealth technology, financial challenges of unemployment, the process of piecing life back together, the feelings of abandonment, etc.   

Frankly it has made me mad at hell. No that isn’t a misprint. For the past few months I have been on an emotional roller coaster. The 4 people that read this blog know me fairly well and this is not normal for me. I confirmed this with my wife today because I didn’t want to misrepresent myself. She concurred (fun word to use) that I am pretty emotionally stable and that I do not normally get bent one way or the other.

I am glad that God brought back to my memory my fast and helped me to realize just what is going on with me. God also reminded me yesterday that unemployment is not part of my calling. (I have a secular job now, thank God, but I have been unemployed from ministry for 7 months) Even though I am trying to be found working and am having a lot of fun witnessing to coworkers and friends I miss the rush of being a “missionary”.  I miss the pleasure of feeling like I am doing and being exactly what God created me to be.

God, I know You have plans for my family and I. I am trying to be patient while waiting for them (even though You know it is crazy hard for me). I want to thank You in advance for those plans and I also want to thank You for leading me in a season of preparation almost a year ago to help through my desert experience. I pray that You will continue to remind me of who You are and what You have already enabled me to overcome. I pray that You will continue to remind of specifics in Your Word that I can use as my sword in this battle. I pray for Your favor, Your direction, and Your will. Amen.