Somebody asked me yesterday what it was like to not have to prepare for Sunday. Well I wrote this blog a while back titled 6 days till Sunday which has been the story of my life for the past 16 months straight. Even though I recently have switched over to Facebook to spout off random thoughts, this blog still remains the behind the scenes look at the life of a husband, father, and church planter. I just have been busy with the stuff below and haven’t had time to blog much. (And outsourcing my blog didn’t work)

 

So I wanted to journal my thoughts as I close the chapter of my life at InDependence Church. As many of you know this past Sunday was my last official Sunday at InDependence. Over the next week or so I will be working on transferring over all of the other “stuff” that goes along with this job like, banking, taxes, facilities, marketing, leadership, staff info, etc. etc. etc.

 

Many of my pastoral friends have called to check up on me to see how I am doing. My wife asked me yesterday if it feels to me like we are offering our kid up for adoption after you have brought it into this world and raised it for two years… In a sense yes but God has given me incredible peace and confidence that I am doing what is best for me, my family and InDependence.

 

To not so quickly recap:

In March of ’07 I uprooted my family from the Orlando area and gave up a blossoming career in Architecture to come to South Florida and plant a church. Why you ask… because God asked us to. For the first seven months we worked diligently to get everything in order and meet new people to prepare for our first preview on October 13th of that same year. The week after that preview I returned to the Architecture business and went back to work as a Project Manager to earn a living.

 

This was not the original plan but the cost of living increase in South Florida caught us off guard not to mention God had called us to the 20th highest earning city in the country. We had 3 more preview services and officially launched weekly services on January 20, 2008.

 

I know a lot of people who say they don’t get into numbers including myself but to be honest that is really hard to do because numbers represent so many things including your ability to maintain a ministry. It takes volunteers and resources to do things so I am not as quick to say that I don’t look at numbers because I still do.

 

I want to know what works and what doesn’t to attract people. Because ultimately I want to deliver the gospel to as many as God will enable me to. That’s the spiritual side and then in the carnal I just want to have a non-embarrassing response every time somebody asks “how many you got?” I can’t believe I just said that either…

 

From January to June we really grew at a pretty solid pace but when summer hit, I felt as if I had been hacked down at the knees. Having been at this for over a year and basically working 7 days a week began to take a toll on many areas of our lives. By the end of summer we were dealing with financial challenges of starting a new “business” which had left us without any savings and no retirement.

 

We had cashed in 12 years of retirement savings and I justified it by saying “if God had told me 12 years ago to start saving for this day… would I?” One in a long line of moments were I allowed my desire to be successful for God and me to supersede wisdom and overrule my super intelligent wife. Yes that it is me kissing butt because I can’t count how many times I should have listened to the audible voice of God coming through my wife.

 

I had set our church up for a sprint based on the “Launch Large” ideology and found ourselves in the middle of a marathon scrambling to find more resources and energy to keep going. Looking back now it wasn’t the model that was necessarily broken, even though I think some lose site of what we are really called to do, but my giftings and personality do not work in that model. I’ll touch on that a little later.

 

Loving a good fight and not knowing how to back down we pressed on and summer turned into fall, and fall into winter. I expected to experience the “traditional” growth of the fall season but it never came. Really it wasn’t until winter that we started picking up again. But even the positive signs in the church came with a really expensive price tag.

 

Not only had we spent $30k+ in advertising and outreaches to attract people we had been operating at our full stress capacity for at least a year. The excitement of the journey had lost glory and the hope of “success” (which looked totally different by this point) turned into one of pure survival. It was in November that the bottom fell out and God was probably leading us to leave and save our sanity, marriage and family.

 

I am not sure if this point had anything to do with pushing on but it was around this time that I was sharing my situation with as many as possible because I needed some people to get through to God on our behalf. Word got back to me that one of these individuals had gone behind my back to try to line their church up to take over our church as a satellite if it fell apart.

 

I can’t even begin to describe how angry this made me and on more than one occasion I stated that “they can pry this church out of my dead hands” and I meant every word of it. I may be small but I am “scrappy” and have spent most of my life playing bigger than I really am so I “ain’t skeered”. I have since had to repent not because I went out and sought revenge but because anger is a tool that Satan can and will use against you. I had to forgive that person which was not easy but I couldn’t allow it to consume me.

 

Angry, hard headed and seeing my current situation as just one more in a long line of “how bad do you want it” challenges form God we continued on. Around November I also took a 20% pay cut at work where I had been for over a year without a raise. That doesn’t even account for the $3k salary increase that was a part of my original job offer after 90 days of probation.

 

Let’s just say this didn’t exactly help matters any. So I was desperate to get a hold of God because we needed Him to do something quick. So I did the “unthinkable”. I called our church to a season of fasting and prayer and just to make sure that we got God’s attention I went ahead and fasted the full 40 Days and 40 Nights.

 

This started out as a program developed to intercede and reach out to the neighborhoods closest to our church. But it very quickly changed directions for me and helped me to figure out some of my internal “issues” (no comments please). I don’t know that I received the “breakthrough” that I had expected at that time but I believe that season of fasting and prayer solidified in me a desire to pursue God with all that I had in me.

 

One of my favorite lessons that I have learned in this process came out at this time and it is “what you feed grows and what you starve dies”. I was starving my ego, my competitive nature and many of the other things that kept me from being hungry just for God and not being full trying to build His church.

 

As time continued on I was surviving massive layoffs on my job and watched as the 35 person firm deteriorated down to just 8 of us. I was blown away at how God had sustained me in this economy which hit the Architectural community really hard.

 

Six weeks ago I was given the “dog ain’t looking too good” speech and that if things didn’t turn quickly I would be let go after wrapping up one remaining job. I shared the situation with the congregation.

 

I have always been really open with them because I just can’t preach the “God has a wonderful plan for your life” sermon. I have read His “wonderful” plan for Jesus and that plan was to prepare for our eternity not necessarily for our “comfort” here on this earth.

 

If anybody wants to debate some of that with me I am open to it… but if you haven’t actually ever went through any “stuff” please don’t. I know that God works all things out but that still means that you went through it. He is with us in the valley and on the mountain which is encouraging but nowhere can I find the cable car of life that goes from mountain to mountain…

 

So if I tell people the “wonderful plan” story and they face tragedy they are going to blame God for letting them down and blame me for lying to them. In reality bad things happen to good people. The Bible says it rains on the just and the unjust. I also know that often times we earn what we get so God isn’t to blame. Anyways… that was just a little sidebar that I don’t even know how I got on.

 

Oh yes, telling the congregation…. I also was hoping to motivate them by using the thought of me leaving. Once again no comment please, but this is a bad strategy but I felt I had tried everything else…

 

I knew that it was time to start working on an exit strategy just in case. It was a really weird time because I was hoping and praying that God would open a door as I searched out employment options. At the same time I am trying to reconcile the fact that in 6 weeks I may have to walk away from the dream and vision that God had given me. Being an emotional guy I knew this would not be good.

 

4 weeks ago I was given my “D” day of Thursday, April 30th. So I began work with the state to plan for somebody to come in and continue the work that we started. I had a meeting with the Senior Pastor of Cooper City Church of God, Dr. Dwight Allen and his Youth Pastor Jason Smith. I have really grown to love Dr. Allen in the time that I have been here. There were many times that he would reach out to me and drop words of incredible wisdom into my life, none better than “Don’t lose your family over this thing”.

 

Knowing that the transition would take a few weeks to pull off on April 19th I announced that next Sunday, April 26th would be my last Sunday. At that time I told the congregation that the time on my job was up and that I needed to go try and make a living in Orlando where I could stay with my in-laws for free until I could secure another good paying job. Not to mention it was the place that I had the most leads for employment.

 

Being that I had been “real” with them throughout my ministry they knew that we had invested every thing that we had (plus a lot that we didn’t have) and that there was no cushion for us to ride out any time that I might be unemployed.

 

This was received a lot of different ways, not only by the congregation but by others that I shared my situation with. I had those that were angry, sad and some doubting my faith. I had others that may have been happy and just didn’t say anything but I think anybody not happy with me I had already ran off from church. Many people encouraged us and understood that we had given all that we had and really had no choice for survival. Then there were others who echoed God and said that maybe you are not leaving something but moving on to something else that God has planned.

 

A weird thing had happened in me when that 6 week warning shot had come. It woke me up to the thought that whatever the cost I needed to take care of my family. Now at that time it was all about a roof and food but it all came to light for me on Monday April 20th.

 

Some of the men in the church held an “intervention” for me. In all honesty it felt really good to have guys fighting for me. They wanted me and my family as their Pastor and they were willing to do something about it. Even though it was all done under the stipulation that if God still says “go” we are going they were developing a plan to raise a full salary for me. The plan was to at least hold us over until I could find work or until the time when the church was more capable of supporting us. Whichever came first?

 

They had arranged free housing and were preparing to approach the congregation for pledges above and beyond their current giving. As I began to entertain these thoughts I really believed that these guys were capable of pulling this off. It may have meant some inconveniences to us but it was a real possibility.

 

Something happened that night and when I woke up the next day I realized that the money and stuff wasn’t what my family and I needed. We had gone without stuff before and if we needed to do it again and it was what God wanted… so be it. But below is what I wrote my intervention team on Tuesday morning:

 

“Gentlemen, I spent a lot of time over the past 12 hours contemplating our discussion and seeking God. At the end of that time God has confirmed with me that it is time to go. This really is about far more than money. You guys may very well have been able to solve that issue but…

 

Most of my short ministry has been centered on cutting against the grain of common actions. It was this that attracted some of you to InDependence. I have known one too many pastors who have pursued ministry at all costs. Even though that sounds good, in reality it is very poor doctrine.

 

My family needs me and I need them. God is leading us into a season of rest and restoration. We need this in order to continue and be able to accomplish everything that He wants us to accomplish.

 

So with that said I don’t want you to stop fighting. I just want you to not fight for me but to fight for InDependence. Fight for my legacy because I want to come back in 10 years and see my picture on the wall as the founding Pastor. LOL

 

In all seriousness the troops still need to be pulled together and I pray that you rally behind Pastor Jason and his family. They will need your support if this ministry is to continue. Undoubtedly he will bring with him some supports but the battle will be won and lost with the people who currently call InDependence home. There is a difference when you are fighting for your “family” and your “turf”.

 

Many of the challenges that I faced will be minimized due to the “home” church that will now be involved. Not having to work a full time job is a huge plus and being able to rely on the administrative staff at Cooper City for all of the finances and other stuff will also free up great ministry opportunities.

 

With that said I want to leave you with a few specific suggestions that I know will make a world of difference during this transition and help insure the longevity of InDependence under Pastor Jason’s leadership.

 

1. Figure out a way to keep Pastor Jason from having to set-up and tear down every week. For the past year and a half there have basically been three people doing this work and it is a heavy burden for all. So somebody needs to take over recruiting for and scheduling that. I am all for making him pay his dues but after the initiation give the guy a break. LOL

 

2. Allow him and his family to focus on pastoring and not having to oversee every part of the ministry. It is one thing to know and approve of something then having to lead and run it. For example: As I “hid” eggs with my wife and son while Jay started grilling I knew that I had failed at leadership. I didn’t actually put a lot of effort into that event but there have been others that would have been much better had I been less involved. Pastor Jason like me will do whatever it takes but the key is not having to. The “church” needs to take responsibility for different pieces of ministry and allow the pastor to focus on hearing from God and “leading”.

 

3. Have a Pastor Appreciation Sunday once a year. Treat them like royalty, bring in a guest speaker, take up a special offering, and give them a corny gift. Don’t forget about the kids. One of my fondest memories in church was when I got a Tonka front end loader on Pastor Appreciation Sunday.

 

4. Make him take a vacation and figure out a way to make it possible. At least two weeks a year and four would be better.

 

These are just some ideas. I can’t begin to explain how challenging being a Pastor is and how fulfilling also. But I am excited to think about the sleeping giant that has been awoken in Weston. A “church”, a body of believers that is ready to fight for the souls of that city and the surrounding areas. I believe that as we discussed last night this is a test for the church. I believe that it is one that can be passed.

 

I am not eloquent enough to describe how honored I am to have served as your Pastor. This will certainly be an experience that I will never forget and I pray that I have left you with “tools” and “weapons” that will enable you to advance the kingdom after I am gone. I love you all. God Bless.”

 

Since that time there has been no doubt, just confirmation after confirmation that I am doing what God wants for us right now. Granted I still don’t have a job and as of right now in two weeks we will be living with my in-laws… but it is still the right thing.

 

God showed us a door, but this time it just happened to be the exit and my prayer is that we did it with grace to avoid any fall out from our departure. Having spent more time with Pastor Jason in recent days and weeks I am more confident today that he is the guy that God wants there.

 

Does it feel a little like we are offering our kid up for adoption? Absolutely, and that is exactly why I want the best for it. But it has been surprisingly an unemotional departure for me and that is weird for me being the “cry baby” that I am. But I believe that it is all about the peace that nobody can understand. Either that or I am just in emotional shock and I am no longer capable of expressing emotion.

 

My  prayer is that Pastor Jason and his wife Sammy will call on us and use us as a resource for information. We know how hard and lonely it can be and I want nothing more than for them to be successful. I know we have to stay away for a while and allow the sheep to get comfortable with a new shepherd. This will be hard to do because many of those sheep are my friends and to my son, some are like big brothers. They have become our family and that is how it is supposed to be.

 

At the end of the day we did exactly what God asked us to do. We started a church where there wasn’t one and reached people who might have not otherwise been reached. This isn’t some sort of positive affirmation statement to remove depressing thoughts from my head, but WE DID NOT FAIL.

 

I dare anybody to say that we did because it may cost you a fat lip or black eye to say it. There is a new church in Weston that wasn’t there 2 years ago. There is a group of people there that either didn’t know Christ or were so fed up with everything that they understood church to be there. They come and they serve, they worship, they give, they love, and I pray that they are closer to Jesus now then they were when they walked through the doors of InDependence. I believe that this church will remain and will continue to be a light in a dark place.

 

There are so many details that I had to omit due to length and to not incriminate myself. But I think you get the fact that it has been an incredible journey. A journey that will forever change who I am. Or maybe it was just to help me understand who God made me to be vs. who I thought that I was.

 

So I have learned that I am not a cheerleading church planter. I don’t have the personality or the legs for it. I was not capable of starting a pep rally that drew tons of attention but I was blessed to have started a church from scratch that was a place where people were free to be authentic. It wasn’t wrapped up in religious traditions but was about a rawness which to serve Jesus no matter how messy that might be. We reached the retiree to the college student and I think helped many of them to understand just a little more about what being a Christ follower really looks like.

 

I am proud to say that I am and always will be the founding pastor of InDependence Church but I am more proud to say that I am Harmony’s husband and Owen’s daddy. I am proud that I finally listened to wisdom and reason and am now on a journey of rest and restoration that will prepare me and my family for God’s next season.

 

So with this “short” chapter written I intend to fall off the grid for a while and try to reconnect as a husband and a dad. Because even though I will forever be a church planter and this really isn’t an autopsy at all… I was a husband and a dad first.